I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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