u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
