Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
