His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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