i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
