Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
