I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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