I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
