his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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