so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
