i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
