I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just found a bag of teeth...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
