and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
