Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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