i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Still dying that you shit outside
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
