Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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