you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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