I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
