Soap is not a condiment
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
