did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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