I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
