Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
