I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm passing your future prison.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
