Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
