You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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