Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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