you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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