She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize