My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
