I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
