So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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