If i come over, it means nothing
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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