So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
