dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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