Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
