By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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