shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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