It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
