hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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