I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
