I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so let's talk penis.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
