You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
there is glitter all over my balls
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