I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
