she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
