he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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