Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
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