He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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