My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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