And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
