Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
