your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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