Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
