Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
