I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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