Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize