Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
