2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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