i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
