my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize