He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
