I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
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Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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