I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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