Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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