Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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