Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
