I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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