He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
