why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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