I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
