Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
40s are totally the cure
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
