So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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