Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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