Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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