Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
