No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
